Wednesday, March 02, 2005

 

Ban Public Children In Midland

Okay, okay, so it's a double post...I can't help it.

I have to get this off my mind. I am appaulled at the onslaught of children I am being subjected to by certain selfish (dare I say) citizens of Midland, TX! Everywhere I go, I am within at least ten to fifteen feet of someones annoying child. Now hear me out!

Young kids are not illegal. I do realize that. Most people have the common decency to leave them at home though. How many times must I be interupted by a screaming kid at a restaraunt? How many times must I sit at the movie and watch these children run up and down the aisles while their parents sit idly by? Crying at the grocery store. Giggling at ugly people while they stand in line (not me, I'm a hottie). Meanwhile, us honest, law abiding, tax paying, animal petting, grass mowing, church going, non-fat milk drinking, exercise daily, genuine lovable, favorites of God himself, human beings take it. No more!

Tolerant of children? That's fine. But you are killing old people!! In a recently published surgeon general's test it's proven that old people's blood pressure has a 30,452% increase when arround badly behaved kids. Blood pressure is linked to heart disease. Heart disease is the number one cause of death, to living people, in America today. Old people have a .03 to 130 decreased effiecency of their immune system. USA Today just published a study conducted by The University of Iowa that PROVES little kids have snot on their hands and get it on everything they touch. How can you dog kicking, forrest fire starting, green house effect promoting, non-recycling parents continue this genicide of the elderly?

5.3 million old people in Midland, TX will die today, due to exposure to badly behaved children!

Stop the madness!

BAN PUBLIC CHILDREN IN MIDLAND, TX!!!

DO IT FOR THE OLD PEOPLE!
 

Wise Saying

There was a wise old man that once said, "There's a skeeter on my peeter...whack it off!!"

Ladies and gentlemen, this is profoundly genius. Mesquitos are gross. They carry disease. They eat blood. Yuck!! Basically, if you think about it, mesquitos are vampires. Yes...they are the vampires of the insect world. So following that line of thought, if a mesquito bites you do you turn into a mesquito as well. Never growing old, able to control women with your charm, living through eternity! It would have it's drawbacks, sure. I mean you have to suck blood to live, but hell...when your a mesquito that's easy!

Why the peeter though? Whatever happened to the neck. Arm. Leg. Forehead. Shoulder. But peeter!!!! AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! Sure eternal life and what not, but that's a little far buster. No that's it.

If there's a skeeter on my peeter....whack it off!!

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

 

AHHHH WHAT THE HELL

Ok, so I'm no techno geek. I mean, I don't think I am...true, my phone has a camera, and my house has wireless internet. But it's not like I actually know how all this crap works. I'm not a techno geek and yet, it has happened. I've fallen into the blog pit.

Ya know, it actually seems kinda cool...I mean, I can rant, and someone may actually read it. Will I keep up with it? I doubt it. Will I be funny, witty or offer some sort of amazing perspective on up-to-date events. I doubt it. But hey, I got a blog!!!

Why do ugly girls always talk louder than pretty girls? Is it some sort of evolution phenomenon? You're at the bar and you hear loud cackling laughter. You turn around....sure enough...it's an ugly girl. I am convinced they are subconsciously louder so drunk men will notice them and have sex with them. This allows ugly women to breed.

Hmmm, I'm probably the loudest guy I know.

This blog shit sucks!

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